Knowing What To Do....Is Hard To Do

There are so many times in my life when I wish someone I trust completely that has my best interest at heart would take me by the shoulders....look into my eyes making me focus completely and say....."Here is EXACTLY what you need to do.  You have no choice and you must proceed exactly how and when I say.  I will help you all along the way."

Liquid Emotions

Sometimes there are so many emotions inside me that it is impossible to prevent them from taking liquid form and flowing down my face.  I just let them.

Sometimes I am convinced I am doing okay and then I realize I am not.  My emotions overflow out of my eyes for a few minutes and then I am somewhat okay again.

When I was a little girl I can remember occasionally seeing my mom sitting by herself listening to music and crying or just looking out the kitchen window lost in thought with tears silently falling.  I never really knew what to do or say so I would typically just let her have her moment to cry wondering why but not asking.  I was a carefree child and could not even begin to imagine what was causing the tears.  Adults were just weird.  Looking back I know there was plenty that could have been the cause.

I try my best not to let my emotions turn into liquid when my kids are around.  They have seen way too much of that already.  It is not the end of the world if they see me cry but I really prefer to do my crying alone.  Music is sometimes the culprit that turns the waterworks on without warning and sometimes it is the cure.  It hurts and heals somehow.

Sometimes I just need to take a moment to cry.  To grieve.  To remember.  To be scared.  To be unsure.  To be/feel raw.