Reflecting and Moving On

I really love New Years. It is a time to reflect on your past and plan your future...

As for this girl I will reflect on this very difficult year....enthusiastically celebrate it rolling out and then I plan to move on...move forward.

Tonight I am surrounded by my precious family. Riley is by my side in the living room putting a Lego castle together. Jamey and Sam are in the den watching youtube videos and and/or listening to music having a good ole time.

This is what life is all about. This is my life...my wonderful simple life.  These are my people...people I would protect and provide for with everything I have. All of the pain and days that I literally could not breathe led me to this night. A wonderful low key New Year's Eve with the family I fought so hard for....this night....is my reward...one of many just like it to come.

I love my life. I could have definitely done without the pain but I can tell you for certain that I am blessed.

I know I will go through many more trials in my life.  I will get hurt. I will suffer many more heartbreaks. I will face giants. I will have to force myself to put on foot in front of the other. I will cry myself to sleep. I will curl up in a ball of misery from time to time. Life hurts sometimes. My prayer is that I never go through this particular heartbreak again because the remnants of this will always remain....those remnants are not as strong or sharp as they were but I honestly think they will always be there hopefully faded and with dull edges.....forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.....
I feel like I have a large...wonderful future and that feels good...really good. :)