I was going through some clutter in my pantry the other day and I found a baby bottle in the bottom of a box. I was really surprised by my reaction to seeing it and could not bring myself to throw it away. Tears popped into my eyes and it hit me then that I will not have any more babies. I nursed both of my babies until I went back to work but seeing that bottle triggered memories of feeding them and seeing their chubby little hands holding their bottles. It was almost as bad as when we packed up the crib and moved it to the garage when Samuel got a big boy bed about a month before his second birthday. That crib went from Riley's room when she was about 15 months old to Samuel's nursery in anticipation for his arrival and now it is in the garage...kind of sad in a way. Jamey has mentioned selling it and I just mumble inaudibly and leave the room and am good until he mentions it again. I want to hold onto it and maybe pass it on to Riley or Sam if they want it.
I think I do tend to "baby" Samuel because he is the youngest and the last baby I will have. (He also enjoys being babied for than Riley ever did.) I never really had a chance to baby Riley. She was literally grown when she arrived. She was two and a half weeks late and when the doctor laid her on my chest she raised up her head and looked at me with wide all knowing eyes. From that moment on she was "growney". She has never liked to be rocked or cuddled and has always had the "I'll do it myself" attitude. She is very affectionate but she likes quick hugs and kisses no cuddling unless she is sick and then it is just heartbreaking and I just want her to feel better and be back to her normal self.
Samuel is a "big boy" and independent in many ways but there are definitely still parts of his personality that are babyish and I am going to cherish those things for as long as I can. My heart melts every time he holds up his little arms and says, "Holda me, holda me."
I do not want to have more children but I am not ready for my babies to grow up either.
awwww. I am not very nostalgic about baby stuff at this point. I keep certain keepsakes in their memory boxes, but just had a yard sale and sold a ton of baby gear and stuff. I know that one day I'll find a baby sock or something and cry like a baby, but not any time soon ;-)
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ReplyDeleteIt is so hard. They grow up so fast (Noah is 7!!!!) We are the same way with Joseph, even though he is almost 4 he still likes to "uddle" as he calls it and how in the world can you not do it. I keep telling my self that no mater their age they will always be my babies, but I will admit that although I do not want anymore children I miss those sweet little moments with a little one. If it makes you feel better I cried over a pacifier.
ReplyDeleteWhen Luke was ready for a big-boy bed, we took the crib apart. It had been through 3 babies without being taken down, and I just wasn't ready to get rid of it, so we put it in the attic. At some point, we tentatively decided not to have any more babies. Then we heard about someone who needed a crib, so we gave it away. Then the very next month, we got pregnant!
ReplyDeleteWe are going to hang on to Roey's crib just in case, but I'm ready for the bottles to go.