Well yesterday started the third week of me being a full time mom and I am still loving it despite the fact that the kids were so ILL today!!!! We have had multiple meltdowns today and each one was worse that the one before.
I am sure of several things...
Number 1....rainy, cold days are the stay at home mom's mortal enemy!!!!
Number 2....I have GOT to get creative to save our sanity while we are all home together on yucky days...creativity that is FREE!!! Getting kind of worried about that part...
Number 3....Not sure I am comfortable with the label "housewife", Jamey called me that last night and it kinda pissed me off....not sure why but it did...I probably need to ponder why it did.
I have been fine over the last couple of weeks and have been so very happy staying home but every now and then it is somewhat hard to grasp that I am not a career woman anymore...at least for the moment. I am not certain at all what I think my ideal future would be. Would I be happy staying at home fulltime and not work at all?, Would I be happy working part-time only?, Should I go back to work full-time? Will I even get to decide or will our finances make that decision for me?
I do not miss the "toxic stress" as I have labeled it but I do miss the people. I miss my coworkers so much and I miss the clients I have had for over 6 years. I miss the confidence that comes from doing a great job, the pure pleasure it gave me to truly help someone through a difficult situation, to get up in front of hundreds of people at a time and give a presentation and answering questions regarding something very vital to their family, to have people look to me for advice and guidance. Reading that back it sounds very petty and vain but I do miss it sometimes. I do feel VERY important in my role of Mommy..sometimes I wish some of that importance would somehow rub off on my husband in my children's eyes but I truly wouldn't have it any other way...but I think that as human beings we also want to know that we are needed and/or appreciated/respected by others as well.
Because I have worked fulltime since my senior year in high school...non stop I mainly developed relationships with people at work with whom I spent more waking hours with than my family and now that relationship has been somewhat severed.
I better stop before I write myself into a funk...it has been one of those days...grumpy kids, dirty house, school Easter party/egg hunt in the freezing drizzle, trip to McDonalds with kids who REFUSED to come down from the playset because they knew it was time to leave and everyone looks at you like you are the world's worse mom because your children do lot obey your repeated request to come down and you can't threaten to spank their fanny in public because you really don't feel like going to jail and father in law is still here sleeping on your couch and even better than that your husband is at work during the day so you have to entertain him!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please let him tell us tonight that he is going home in the morning!!!! Please!
Bless your heart!
ReplyDeleteThe title "Housewife" really does sound bad. You feel like you are either June Clever or Peggy Bundy. You strive to find the middle ground of being respectable but yet 'real'. You'll find your groove. Your Father in law is staying with you? That can't be helpful to your current stressful situation! Yikes!
Joy, I can honestly say that I know how you feel. When I went from working 60 plus hours to working at home, it was the world’s biggest change. Petty or not, I liked knowing things, helping people, seeing them through some scary situations and I was the one they leaned on, asked advice of. In a nut shell I felt important and I liked that others outside of my own roof thought I was special and important. We all know that being a mommy and wife is a very important job, but it is different than working in the outside world. To be honest after almost seven years I still miss it, I miss the people, I miss that feeling of walking in the back door and knowing that I was going to “do something” today. Just so you know right up front, your going to have days where you hate what your doing right now, where you feel trapped and cut off from the world. On the flip side you will have those days rarely and you will know just by a smile, an accomplishment met, or even a simple thanks that it is all worth it. I will suggest (and I will be happy to help with this) finding some other stay at home moms or close friends to connect with daily. Weather it be by e-mail, phone, or play dates it will save your sanity. To know that your not the only one in the world and to have the adult contact helps so much. Sorry didn’t mean to write a book, just wanted you to know that I understood.
ReplyDeleteAs for the “housewife” comment, next time he says that just call him the sperm donor and see how he feels!
Father-in-law, well, I will be more than happy to call him and tell him he is desperately needed back home and must come quickly for some type of emergency!
I am truly envious that you get to stay at home and be a "bigger" part of watching your children grow up. I never had that joy. I have worked every day since I turned 15..and we won't discuss how terribly long ago that was!! What I mean to say is, I missed the golden days of staying at home with my child and just playing! It's fun, wonderful and all that other stuff, but's its also hard work. Men are so cruel sometimes. I don't think they mean to be so much as they are just ignorant! They wouldn't know how to handle what stay at home moms do every single day! I know it's hard right now, but you will find your groove and you know you are always welcome to bring your children here and let them run wild!
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