After my last post yesterday describing how overwhelmed I felt regarding all I needed to do yesterday in order for my house to be livable again I busted my butt and got everything done and had time to get the kids outside to play an hour before Jamey got home.
I was so happy with the work I did....scrubbed bathrooms and floors, de-
cluttered the entire house, clothes were hung and put away, dishes were done and put away, all beds were made, etc....the house looked and smelled awesome and I was quite happy with myself.
As soon as Jamey got home I left to go to my mother-in-law's house to print out some documents that I have to submit in order to keep the life insurance from my former employer. (Our printer is sick.) I wasn't 2 of the 3 miles down the road until my cell phone started ringing...it was Jamey and there was already a mini crisis at home...gimme a break! Riley had slipped into the house while Jamey and Samuel were outside and she decided that she would cover herself and the bathroom with baby wash...there goes my perfectly clean bathroom....Jamey did attempt to clean it up but I had the majority of it to deal with when I got home. I was confident that he would be able to handle it and I took my time, printed what I needed to print and stayed to chat for a minute with my mother-in-law.
When I got home no more than 45 minutes later and I could tell by Jamey's face that he was glad I was back and quite grumpy. Welcome to the day I had honey!!!!!
I stayed outside for a little while chatted with neighbors and watched the kids play and then I went inside to cook dinner. When Jamey and the kids came in I waited on him to comment on how good the house looked...he didn't so I complimented myself..."house looks great honey, thanks, I worked really hard on it." He looked at me like I had lost my mind and then he repeated that it looked good but that he doesn't even notice the house anymore. WHAT?! So he notices when it looks bad and makes comments but not when it looks and smells great?! SO NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!! We went down hill from there...we were snippy for the rest of the evening...anything he could think of to gripe about he did...he even got onto me for wasting sandwich bags for crying out loud!!!!! I don't waste them....I use them! Hello....that is why we buy them!!!!!! I could have screamed in total dismay!!!!! Finally I just went to bed and when I was almost asleep he came in there and apologized.
I am trying to sympathize with him. I know how it is to work all day and come home to all of the responsibilities of home. I don't however think he is putting forth a lot of effort to sympathize with me. "Staying home all day" isn't as easy and he thinks it is. He was quick to say that he has stayed at home with the kids all day before...I was quick to remind him that his idea of staying home is letting them destroy the entire house while he plays with them and/or watches TV the entire time...why, because he isn't the one who has to clean up after them. I really could have smacked him! I am feeling the urge to smack him quite often lately! :-(
This change in our family structure is going to take some getting used to by all of us. We just need to find our groove and roll with it. Lord, please give us strength and patience.
Sweet heart you are in serious danger of making a several moves that ruin your marriage! The first one is....don't clean the house if you expect the boss man to compliment you on it. The second is don't ever assume that a man can pick up on your tons of voice, mood, or body language(I consider slamming cabinet doors body language as well!) They just don't! You really do have to tell them exactly what you are feeling and do it in a calm way or they will never get it.
ReplyDeleteTry this the next time he makes a snippy or snide comment about the house or the kids, just stay calm and say "Jamey, that really hurt my feelings...is that how you really feel/think?"
You are 100% right that this change is going to take some getting used to, but you already that you and jamey are on the same team and it will be a lot easier once he starts understanding just how hard your new JOB is!
I agree with April. This is new to all of you. Marriage and family are hard work, but I don't need to tell you that, you know it. You and Jamey have always been up front and honest with each other....tell him how you feel. Don't yell and scream (that is so not you lol!) Just sit down and tell him how you feel. It has taken me almost 30 years to get to that point in my marriage...I wish I had done it alot sooner. Good luck, I will be thinking about you and you know if you need me...I am here!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice chickies! More than likely I was just over sensitve yesterday...I was in a tizzy before 10 am. Call me crazy but when my house isn't in order neither is my state of mind. Waking up this morning to a clean house was powerful medicine...and the kids are in a fabulous mood and that is heavenly!
ReplyDeleteI am glad! I hope ya'll have a wonderful day!
ReplyDeleteThe state of my home and the state of my home are also one and the same. I guess that's why I clean when I am angry or nervous. It is like medicine to me.
ReplyDeleteAnd if I am ever having a really bad day, it is usually the house's fault (like today, when I came downstairs to unwashed dishes).
Do you need to fire your dishwasher too Mandi?
ReplyDelete